My Friend's A Whore ... Personal

So, I told my friend that today's entry was gonna be me talking about how much of a whore she is. In reality, if I was gonna talk about that, I would have nothing to talk about. She is the antithesis of a whore - the most innocent, virginal, naive thing you could meet (except, you know, she's not a "thing", she's my buddy). She's completely amazing ... I mean, she got a full ride to college, she wants to major in like 4 different fields, and she wants to save the world ... all the while being a strip-tease instructor. (I'm totally kidding about that last part. :D)

I don't know why she is my friend, though. I don't understand how she can be friends with someone like me. I bitched her out when I was in 8th grade and she was in 7th. I don't remember exactly what I said to her back then, but I know I said some mean things because I can be a bitch.

By the way, I'm the biggest idiot ever. I sent her a really stupid text which I completely regret right now even though I told her to forget about the text. I'm just completely baffled at the situation. I knew I was an idiot, I didn't know I was such an idiotic douche bag.

I mean, the text had nothing to do with her. I had gotten irritated at a situation that had occurred earlier in the day and when I get mad or irritated it kinda stays with me for a while and I take it out on other people sometimes. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I guess I said something I was thinking but never meant to expose.

Usually, what I do, is I keep things bottled up. It's not in my nature to talk about my feelings. It's what I've been doing since I was 8 when something too personal to write on my blog happened. I felt like I needed to grow up and watching what the adults in my family did I kinda learned that grown ups don't talk about their feelings.

All of that doesn't mean I don't feel anything for anyone. If I ever say "I love you" to someone I mean it. I'm a genuine person when it comes to telling people what I feel about them, I just don't talk about what's bothering me and whatnot.

Everything I've gone through has made me an incredibly angry person. I have a short fuse and I don't like being fucked with when I'm mad. If I get mad my hands start shaking and I feel the need to punch something. My heart starts racing and the only thing that satisfies me is my fist hitting something. I know I need anger management, but that's just not me. I guess I'm like the hulk or something when I get mad.
Whoa ... I never meant for this to get personal, but it did.

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Check this song out:

Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit